If you are like me, on the first half of your dash, appearances were important. Pleasing people and what they thought was important to me–so much that it stressed me out. I wore high-end clothing, and you would always see me wearing 3-inch heels. I had to have the right clothing, jewelry, accessories, and I had to act a certain way. It was so exhausting.
On the first half of my dash, there were things I thought I would never do, said I would never do, that I now find myself doing. One of those things is gardening. For the last few years, I have started, stopped, and restarted a garden. Before I moved to North Texas, I had what I called a wonderful deck garden, complete with a portable greenhouse. I planted squash, peppers, tomatoes basil, thyme, cilantro, rosemary, and other goodies. Now that I live in Texas, I have expanded my gardening skills and the size of my garden.
Currently, I am growing various types of squash, various types of tomatoes, varies types of peppers, watermelon, strawberries, pumpkins, greens, kale, Swiss chard, lettuce, brussels sprouts, basil, other types of spices, and other things. In addition, I am growing various types of flowers and plants to include hostas, roses, and hydrangeas. I have made a few mistakes along the way but am learning as I go–what to plant, when, and how-and I think I am getting the hang of it. I have already harvested tomatoes, spinach, and many herbs.
I must admit that during the first part of my dash, I would have told you I would never dabble in dirt, planting, and dealing with tons of bugs. On the other side of my dash, I can tell you that I love doing it and get rather excited about planting and harvesting. The bugs do not bother me as much. (I am learning which ones are important to my plant’s growth and which ones to get rid of.)
I have come to find that working in my garden gives me a sense of peace. During any given day I am going full-throttle and my head is full of what I must do, what I need to do, what I did, all the time wondering if I have forgotten to do something. I rarely get the time to breathe or feel at peace. In my garden I can see the fruits of my labor, take my time talking to my plants, reaping my harvest, and marvel at God’s greatness. Have you ever stopped to think about the process of fruit, vegetables, plants, or flowers? It all starts from a seed that is planted in the dirt–dirt from whence man was derived–and that dirt wraps its nutrients and love around the seed, nurturing it, and allowing it to grow from a seedling to an actual plant and ultimately food for the nourishment of our bodies. Now, God is good! The next time you are eating a fruit or vegetable, take a moment to think about the who, what, why, and where it came from.
This gives me peace. It helps me to slow down, and I know that whenever in my garden, the rest of the worries of the world are all null and void even if just for those short little precious moments. I can clear my head and just focus on what is in front of me.
I encourage you to take a moment and think about those things that bring you peace and revel in them. At the same time, I encourage you to eliminate those things that do not bring you peace. I call the things that break our peace “Nouns”. They are people, places, or things.
PEOPLE -Remove yourself from negative people (this includes family and so-called friends) and their expectations of you. Also, remove the negative expectations you may put on yourself. If a person does not sit well with your psyche, does not make you feel good, doesn’t celebrate you and pushes you to be the best you, regardless of what that looks like, remove yourself IMMEDIATELY. Do not pass go. Protect your PEACE! Negative people will tear at your very soul, making you sick and having you never achieving your goals or pursuing your dreams. And they will never let you forget where you came from, often reminding you of your past and what you USED to do. Social media has made it so easy for us to “hate” on others, make horrible comments, or even straight out bullying. If this is a triggering point for you, limit your time on social media. Hit the mute, block, delete, and unfriend buttons. If you are an influencer like me, then use the many available tools that will allow you to post content to various platforms without having to even log in to those accounts. One of my favorites is Hootsuite. Trust me, it is a lifesaver.
PLACES – If going to certain places puts you in an uncomfortable position, or if you get a bad vibe, do not go. If you are invited to the company Christmas party or your family reunion and you know that something is going to happen, because it always does because the same players make appearances, don’t go. Politely and unapologetically decline the invite and know that you don’t have to explain your NO. If a certain location brings back bad vibes or makes you feel claustrophobic or uneasy, then don’t go. It is really simple as that. You have the right to do it; or not.
THINGS – This is a touchy one for a lot of people. In a society where we are pressured to go with the crowd, living up to other’s expectations or trying to prove we are worthy, we often find ourselves doing things we really do not want to, or making wrong decisions, doing things we ought not to. My mother was a name-brand type of gal. She rarely shopped at places such as Wal-Mart, looked down on those who did. She wouldn’t even shop Wal-Mart for the simplest of things, like towels, etc. Whenever she was complimented on her clothing, she had to make sure that the person giving the compliment knew she was wearing Donna Karan, Gucci, Yves Saint Lauren, or whatever fashion designer she was wearing at the time. She wore the most expensive make-up and perfumes and her home furnishing’s value could feed small villages in Africa.
As I write this, I reminisce on my mother’s passing. I flew from San Diego to Denver to take care of some of her final matters and that included cleaning her apartment and getting rid of her things. I became so frustrated and stressed finding many items still had price tags or had never been worn. My mother had a knack for not doing laundry and just buying new things. Instead of washing her towels, she would just buy more. I gather it was because she had a bad hip and did not want to climb the two stories to the laundromat in her Montbello apartment. Still, I felt it was very wasteful.
Going through her linen closets and medicine cabinets, I found many of the same types of products. Who needs three jars of the same Fashion Fair Foundation or Lancôme moisturizer? In her living room, she had expensive artwork on the walls and about the room-not just a few pieces here and there, but lots of it. It was all such a waste. As I looked around and went from room to room, I became so overwhelmed, I fell to my knees and cried, and wondered how she could have lived like that. There was nowhere to think or to find peace. It was a jumbled, loud, hot ass mess! Unfortunately, my mother died, worshipping these things, and trying to keep up appearances. May she rest in peace.
When I moved back to North Texas with my family, we had our home built. And I can remember being so disappointed when circumstances caused us to lose that house. (To see and hear the story behind the loss of our dream home, click here.) God blessed us with another, better house, but I was so hell-bent on complaining about things that I now realize don’t even matter. The house we had built was much bigger and I handpicked every single finish in it. But God saw something different for us, and now I thank him for it. It took me a moment to get here, but I made it. So, when you start complaining about things not being the way you think they should, re-evaluate the why of it all. Is it really something that concerns you because it is best for you and your family, or is it something you think will impress others, including others that do not matter? Most of all, if you think about it, does it bring you peace or does it cause chaos?
Although I had been gifted one in the past, I recently purchased my first Coach purse, and it felt good. Yes, I felt at peace when I bought it because God made it possible. But I did it for me. What you will not see me doing is going out buying tons of expensive things that will chaos in my family’s budget, postponing my future plans and goals, or putting me in the poorhouse just to impress others, especially folks that don’t even care for me. Many of us do this. Stop it. Do it for you, and to the glory of God, only if it brings you peace. If it doesn’t, I would suggest re-evaluating your situation or situations and find out what truly brings you peace. Yes, I want to try needlepoint or even my own business. No, I don’t want to go to the nightclub because it doesn’t bring me peace. Yes, I want to volunteer and help others, because it brings me peace. No, I don’t want to sit around and gossip about others because it doesn’t bring me peace. Yes, I want to go shopping with a budget in mind because it brings me peace. No, I don’t want to go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, because it will not bring me peace.
What is your peace worth to you?
